This past week I was on a business trip to Atlanta. Our flight back was at 9:00 in the morning so it meant waking up at 6:00am to get ready and get to the airport in time.

The night before was one of little sleep and a few ‘adult’ beverages so 6:00am wasn’t the best time to get up, get ready and feel spry for the flight home.

But we got to the airport, got checked in and all was good.

After everyone boarded the plane, it was only at about 70% occupancy. This is when I first saw her.

She came on the plane last and walked with confidence down the isle. She was well dressed, had a nice smile, good body and was pretty freakin’ cute. There was a seat next to me so I had to think “I wonder if she was going to sit next to me”? But no, she didn’t. She sat across from me one row back.

This is when I started to realize how fortunate I was.

She started off with typical small talk asking the guy next to her if he was from Dallas and stated that she was from Georgia… but it didn’t stop there.

She kept on talking. Loud. Like REAL LOUD. And as we began to taxi to the runway, I could tell that she was NOT going to shut up.

She talked… CONSTANTLY.

Now I know some people use that word and it is an exaggeration, but not this time. CONSTANTLY! The whole trip! She never shut up.

Keep in mind that she was talking to a complete stranger not someone she knew.

And did I mention how loud she was? I mean… LOUD! Much louder than the in-flight announcements! I could still hear her over having my headphones on and cranking music.

Now let me tell you what I and everyone else on the plane for that matter knows about her:

• She has a degree in telecommunications
• She lives in Panthersville Georgia
• She has a great job in telecommunications
• Her house was worth 166k but is now worth only 115k because of the market
• She has always wanted to plant a tree
• She is going to Oklahoma to help her sister through a rough time
• Her sister is 3 years older than her
• Her sister is going through a bad divorce
• Her sister is also about to re-marry even though she is going through a divorce
• Her sister is a home builder and has 4 houses she can’t sell
• She has a degree in telecommunications
• Her sister and her soon-to-be ex filed bankruptcy
• She herself has never filed bankruptcy
• Her sisters soon-to-be ex cheated on his taxes so she can’t buy a new house even though the house she wants is tiny
• Her sisters soon-to-be ex is an (excuse her French) “a” word
• She is going to take care of her sisters kids so she can have a break
• She grew up in Oklahoma but her sister never left
• She is not afraid of flying because she has flown litteraly 1,000,000 times.
• She has a degree in telecommunications
• Her mom loves to go shopping over seas
• Her mom buys her expensive purses
• Her dad is an attorney so don’t mess with her
• She left her fiance when she turned 30 because she would talk to him and it seemed like he never listened (No shock there!)
• She has been dating guys for the past 6 years and can’t find a good one
• She hates the ‘getting to know someone’ part of a relationship
• She has a degree in telecommunications
• She wants to move to the beach somewhere
• She thinks Brazil would be nice
• Brazil is soooo alive because there are monkeys and iguanas that roam the streets
• Telecommunication jobs are in high demand in Brazil
• If you buy a business in Brazil, you can become a citizen immediately
• If you don’t have a business you have to wait 10 years to become a citizen
• Is she moved there, she would only stay there for 10 years and then move back
• The food crises is a scam because she can show you several fields that they could grow food in
• And why aren’t there windmills lining all the highways to create energy? I mean they don’t have to be ugly. They could make them cute by painting them different colors.

Get the point?

If the TSA officer hadn’t confiscated my nail clippers, she would have been done for!